Obamacare Website Mystery Woman Reveals Herself, Says She Was Bullied

After a nation-wide media manhunt, the mystery smiling woman on the face of healthcare.gov has finally revealed herself. For the high-crime of being a stock photo, the woman says she faced online bullying. “I’m here to stand up for myself and defend myself and let people know the truth,” said Adriana to ABC News (her last name was kept secret, though I doubt it’ll be secret for long).

“They have nothing else to do but hide behind the computer. They’re cyberbullying.”

After the federal e-commerce website spectacularly failed at its launch on October 1st, the only consistently functional portion of the website was the front page. In a testimony to the blind rage of American politics, the woman in a photo was the subject of anger over a healthcare law.

“I mean, I don’t know why people should hate me because it’s just a photo. I didn’t design the website. I didn’t make it fail, so I don’t think they should have any reasons to hate me,” she said.

After an unrelenting series of parodies (top image), her face was eventually dropped from the website and replaced with this delightful graphic (bottom image).

This isn’t the strangest news story we’ve seen all year, but it’s close.